When Will the New NASCAR Qualifying Procedure Get Someone Hurt?

After watching the new NASCAR qualifying procedure on a fast speedway for the first time I came away from the experience wondering when someone is going to get seriously hurt.

Tired of reading? Listen to the article here

You might notice I didn’t say IF I said WHEN.

OK so maybe you think I am being too theatrical. But can you blame me after watching two weeks of the television coverage where the announcers have worked so hard to tell us this is the greatest thing since drivers nicknamed Sliced Bread?

But watching cars going over 190mph whizzing by other cars with a closing rate of over 140mph, do you blame me?

NASCAR ended the long held practice of racing back to the caution flag when they saw Dale Jarrett’s car sideways with oncoming traffic at 140mph at New Hampshire. Certainly NASCAR officials saw what I did on Friday, shouldn’t they be concerned about this accident waiting to happen that they caused with their rule changes?

I am not suggesting scrapping the new system to go back to the old one car at a time method. This new qualifying procedure doesn’t add to my enjoyment of a race weekend and quite frankly watching the scoreboard while so many cars are posting times is like some warped marriage between NASCAR and the movie Altered States. But I know NASCAR will not go back to the old style rules nor do they need to do so either.

But NASCAR needs to change the rules now that allow slow moving cars on the track while others are making a qualifying run before someone gets seriously hurt.

E equals MC Squared.

Do the math and a car being rear ended at 190mph as it crawls around the track should scare the heck out of NASCAR. That is a ton of energy being absorbed and I don’t care how well built the cars are and how well the neck protection works. At the very least you will have a driver laid up for many weeks…just ask Memo Gidley how such a crash feels. He experienced that at the Rolex24 in NASCAR’s road racing series.

Please NASCAR change the new qualifying rules to make the procedure safer before someone gets hurt…or worse.

Tell us what you think and listen to DOIN’ DONUTS on RaceTalkRadio.com to see if we use your comment on the air…every Monday night 8pm ET

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(RaceTalkRadio.com; April 11, 2013)

OK NASCAR you made your point that you are still holding a grudge because Smokey Yunick outsmarted you so many times. But isn’t it about time to let bygones be bygones and at least nominate the man for the NASCAR Hall of Fame? Maybe some of us old time fans see this and that is one more reason for us not to venture out to the NASCAR Hall of Fame yet. Surely the owner of the “Best Damn Garage in Town” deserves to at least make the nomination list in your Hall of Fame.

Smokey Yunick was a genius with tools. Fifty-seven wins in what is now known as the Cup division in NASCAR along with two championships is certainly enough to establish the man’s NASCAR Hall of Fame credentials. But the numbers are only part of the story. The man himself inspired greatness in others and established the model that other Crew Chiefs emulated over the years.

This year the great Fireball Roberts is likely to be voted into the NASCAR Hall of Fame. Once again as we are watching the video montage of his career we will see this man in the background in immaculate white overalls with that signature cowboy hat. He will look very familiar to all of us because many of the recent NASCAR Hall of Fame videos have featured this same gentleman in the video. How many of the great drivers from the early days of NASCAR would have never been discovered as legends if not for the amazing talent of Smokey Yunick preparing those cars?

Smokey Yunick was not politically correct and often ticked off the NASCAR brass. But his job wasn’t to kiss anyone’s rump it was to win races. Smokey didn’t invent the concept of “Playing in the Grey Areas of the Rules” but he raised it to an art form. My favorite Smokey Yunick story was the ultimate in your face to NASCAR. His car won and NASCAR tore the car down including taking out the fuel tank. NASCAR gave him a list of nine things to change on the car. Smokey said, “You better make that ten” and drove the car away without the gas tank!

NASCAR has made their point by snubbing the sport’s greatest mechanic for this many years. But this insanity has to stop. Come on NASCAR, if you are going to have almost every driver in the NASCAR Hall of Fame that Smokey Yunick helped make famous the least you can do is put him on the nomination list next year. No racing Hall of Fame is complete without Smokey Yunick and he has been named to over 15 of them already. The man invented many parts still in use today and was instrumental in the small block design of the NASCAR stock car engine. NASCAR’s snub of Smokey Yunick from the NASCAR Hall of Fame nomination list must end.

Do you want to see an amazing young man get a shot at racing in NASCAR someday? Help Kris Martin become the first Deaf driver to compete in NASCAR. Check out the story at http://igg.me/at/krismartinracing/x/2900200

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(RaceTalkRadio.com; March 7, 2013)

I love NASCAR racing!

OK so I love all kinds of racing but there has always been something magical about the NASCAR brand. Ever since I saw that first clip on ABC’s Wide World of Sports I was hopelessly hooked. Sometimes I wonder if NASCAR the corporation understands why fans like me have loved this sport for so many years. (Since 1969 in my case) After fining Denny Hamlin for violating Section 12-1-A, “Statements too truthful to make NASCAR happy,” I am left wondering if NASCAR has created a Denny Hamlin Monster.

Why do we love NASCAR so much?

Even in this day and age when our favorite driver is a gazillionaire after a few successful seasons in the sport they are still real. Guys like Clint Bowyer show that emotion every weekend win or lose, often more entertaining when they get wrecked and lose. These guys and gals get out of the car after lap after lap of being on the edge of spinning out and get a microphone shoved in their face before they get to cool off. They speak their minds. That is a brand of real we the fans do not get in any other sport.

Denny Hamlin didn’t say the food at the NASCAR restaurant tasted awful!

NASCAR the organization has the right to defend their brand and those drivers and crew within NASCAR need to understand that too much negative talk will turn off the more casual fan. Like many things with NASCAR though the things about the sport that might turn off a casual fan are the things about the sport that diehards like me love. NASCAR had “Rabbit Ears” this week and elevated a minor comment by Hamlin into a major deal. Heck us NASCAR fans were excited that a new race weekend was here and had already forgotten what Denny Hamlin said in any detail.

NASCAR Hall of Famer Darrell Waltrip uses the analogy that if you tell the patrons the food tastes lousy at your restaurant it is not good for business. But Denny didn’t say the food was lousy. Denny said the new dish at his favorite restaurant wasn’t as good as it could be. Denny Hamlin said that he was frustrated he couldn’t pass for the lead. In Denny’s defense there were ZERO passes for the lead after lap 127 and only 4 green flag passes all day. Yes Hamlin also made a comment that the old car passed better than the new car. Of course it did. NASCAR Crew Chiefs had figured the COT out and in the first race at Phoenix without any testing the Gen Six car was still a mystery.

What should NASCAR fine guys for every week?

Denny Hamlin left everything on the playing field last Sunday at Phoenix International Raceway. Hamlin could have settled for a solid top five finish but he drove like a mad man down on the apron trying to find somewhere on the track to make that pass for the win. If he had gone any farther south he would have had to present his passport at customs! We the fans fell in love with NASCAR because this is how our guys drive.

Hamlin could have lost 25 points and only gained 5 but he wanted to win that bad. That is the kind of racing the fans want to see. “Common men doing uncommon things,” is what the legendary Ken Squier used to say to define a move like Hamlin made on Sunday. Immediately upon getting out of the car Denny Hamlin let his frustration show about the Goodyear tires being too hard (Two tire stops proved that) and the ability to pass other cars being too tough. NASCAR should be proud of Denny Hamlin that he wanted to win so badly! Any driver who dares to say, “Well we had a good point’s day,” should be immediately guilty of violating Section 12-1-A and fined $50,000.

NASCAR spent so much time in the off season building up this new Gen Six car that I am surprised these cars couldn’t walk across Lake Lloyd and heal the lepers in Calcutta. This new car is beautiful to see on the track and NASCAR fans with a working brain understand that it will take a while until these brilliant Crew Chiefs figure out the sweet spot on this car. Why didn’t NASCAR just take Denny Hamlin aside on Sunday and say, “You came a little close to that magical line, please tone down the anti Gen Six comments or we will have to fine you.”

Last Sunday I was thoroughly entertained with the race at Phoenix. Being a stats guy I understand the lack of passing at a track that typically used to give us some of the best races of the year is an issue. Goodyear had not found that sweet spot with the rubber here with the old car but finally got close last year so I didn’t expect them to nail it the first time out with this new Gen Six car. But they will get it right. This race was in the rear view mirror with fans but NASCAR fining Hamlin so late in the week and Hamlin saying he wasn’t going to pay the fine took the Las Vegas testing out of the headlines. Now I am wondering if I was wrong to be so entertained last week. I am also left to wonder if NASCAR has created a Denny Hamlin monster instead of having him as the poster child for the kind of racing fans want to see.

Don’t miss Doin’ Donuts every Monday night. Lori Munro and Dennis Michelsen are joined with their usual racing buddies for a great night of talking NASCAR racing including the infamous Quick Change segment…the fastest growing game show in NASCAR. Jerry Bonkowski, Steve Waid and even famous drivers like Snott Williard show up every Monday night to voice their opinions about the weekend that was in racing here on RaceTalkRadio.com at 8pm ET.

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(January 28, 2013; RaceTalkRadio.com

Just a few weeks away from the biggest race of the 2013 season nobody cares about the race itself or the new car. All they seem to care about are other things such as who is dating who. Also as fans decide whether they will spend the big money to make the last minute decision to head down for Speedweeks is how the drivers feel about the latest political issues of our time. So just in case you are on the fence about heading down to Daytona I hope knowing the positions of many of today’s biggest NASCAR stars will help.

Gun Control

After the horrific death of over 20 school kids and 26 people altogether at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut. Recently President Obama tasked Vice President Joe Biden to craft a new strategy for gun control. Last week Senator Barbara Boxer of California introduced legislation that promises to make us all safer. Before you decide to buy that NASCAR ticket you need to know how your favorite drivers feel on this issue.

Former NASCAR development driver Snott Williard was glad to share his feelings with me in an exclusive interview. “I’m all for it,” said Williard, “I have full control over my guns and I can core an apple at 100 yards. I might also add, I aim to keep full control of my guns. Hand me the 7/16ths will ya,” add Williard.

Other NASCAR drivers sounded off via Twitter on this issue. Most drivers had no direct comment on the issue and Dale Earnhardt Jr the fans most popular driver for the past ten years doesn’t even have a Twitter feed. Other drivers’ comments after Sandy Hook were uncertain about how they feel about gun control but they were very sad about the tragedy.

Debt Ceiling

Each year the United States Congress is required by law to spend more money than they collect in taxes causing what is technically called a “Deficit.” These deficits when added up to a gigantic sum which boggles the mind of most human beings adds up to what is technically called the “National Debt.” Frequently the United States Congress needs to do what is technically called “Kicking the Can” on the debt by raising the amount of something that is technically called the “Debt Ceiling.” Since I know your purchase of a NASCAR ticket depends on how NASCAR drivers stand on this issue I asked them their stance on this important political issue.

“I borrowed a bunch of money from Danno the Money Guy, down at Walnut and 47th, then commenced to spend more than my racing habit was able to supply,” said Williard. “Wasn’t long before Danno’s variable interest rate put me in the poor house. Now I hope those Bozos up in DC didn’t borrow that money from Danno, cause for that kind of dough somebody is gonna wind up with concrete shoes.”

Other NASCAR drivers sounded off on this issue via Twitter. Kyle Busch may have misunderstood the question and answered that Samantha chose mauve for the ceiling in his trophy room. Frankly I am not sure I would support a driver who thinks mauve is a wise choice but that is another issue altogether. Jimmie Johnson had no comment but did post a cute picture of his daughter wearing his racing helmet.

Let’s Go Racing

Now that the drivers positions on these two major political issues has been put to rest we can get on with the more trivial matters before Daytona. A new NASCAR season is upon us and now we can figure out who has the best chance to win the 2013 championship. Unless of course that is asking too much from the NASCAR media and fans to concentrate on the little things in the sport such as ability and performance with the big race and the new season just a few weeks away.

Editor’s Note:

My thanks to Snott Williard for stepping up and sounding off on these issues. Williard was on his way to NASCAR until his suspension by NASCAR. Per the court ruling, details of the incident cannot be discussed until 5 years after all the people involved are dead. Snott Williard is proud to announce the signing of Uncle Earl’s Dairy Hill Farm teat grease as his full time sponsor in 2013.

Fans can connect with NASCAR development driver Snott Williard on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/snott.willard. Jimmie Johnson is available via Twitter at @JimmieJohnson, Jeff Gordon at @JeffGordonWeb, and Kyle Busch at @KyleBusch. Dale Earnhardt Jr and Uncle Earl’s Dairy Hill Farm Teat Grease do not participate on Twitter at this time.

Is the NASCAR media turning into the second coming of TMZ?

Lori Munro, Jerry Bonkowski and Dennis Michelsen will debate that and other issues on the Quick Change segment on Doin’ Donuts starting at 8pm ET on RaceTalkRadio.com Monday night.

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(January 5, 2013…RaceTalkRadio.com)

After all these years of seeing my favorite sport of auto racing get bashed in the mainstream media it dawned on me that the perfect theme song for NASCAR would be “Charlie Brown.”

NASCAR should be asking, “Why’s everybody always picking on me?

The only time the news media has anything to say about NASCAR is when there is a horrible crash or someone gets killed or there is something bad to report. This week many in the media, including some of the NASCAR media, were quick to report that NASCAR was getting a special deal as part of the “Fiscal Cliff Avoidance” bill.

Who cares if NASCAR doesn’t own any race tracks?

If you dig a little deeper you can find out that NASCAR’s favorite congresswoman Betty McCollum started this idiotic rumor and the media accepted her word as gospel.

Yes indeed NASCAR fans this is the same lady that made a big deal about military sponsorships. Technically NASCAR does not own a single race track but Ms. McCollum didn’t let that simple fact hold her back. The press was quick to rub in the fact that mean old NASCAR was laughing all the way to the bank.

Last week on RaceTalkRadio.com’s “Track Source Radio Show” Tim Frost of the National Speedway Directory did an excellent job of explaining how this tax break came about and how it impacts race tracks all over the country.

“What was done was extending a depreciation law that has been around since 2004,” said Frost. “Race tracks got the same breaks as amusement parks and other businesses by shortening the length of time they have to write off an investment made. This directly affects the racing industry and incorrectly refers to this as a NASCAR tax break.”

In other words every single race track in the country can write off their investment over seven years on their taxes instead of the next fourteen years. That will not save a race track on their taxes but it will mean more of an impact on the local economy from coast to coast at over 1000 race tracks!

Hey Ms. McCollum…you have six race tracks in your congressional district and those tracks are responsible for helping keep some of your constituents employed!

I am all for tax reform and doing away with the IRS picking the winners and losers. But calling this latest tax deal the “NASCAR Tax” is a joke! What is coming next… a report on how much carbon dioxide NASCAR adds to the environment causing global climate change?

Why’s everybody always picking on NASCAR?

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(August 13, 2012)

NASCAR Nationwide Series driver Alex Kennedy has always had a heart as big as his talent. Racing his way to NASCAR the old-fashioned way, this twenty year old from Aztec, New Mexico has amazed people with his talent behind the wheel. Saturday at Watkins Glen International Kennedy took advantage of pit strategy to lead his first laps in NASCAR Nationwide Series action. Despite being out front on older tires he was keeping pace with leaders with Cup experience such as Brad Keselowski and Carl Edwards. The team had a strategy to put them in a position to grab Alex’s first top ten finish of his career before he lost his left front tire at the worst place on the track and hit the wall in the esses. Saturday he was racing for Dream Factory, an organization that makes dreams come true for children with chronic or life threatening illnesses. Later this year Alex will show us that NASCAR is going to the dogs…literally!

Ever since he was racing his late model at the tight bullring in Albuquerque, New Mexico Alex Kennedy has used his race car as a rolling billboard to make a difference. Alex volunteered his race car to the local library in Farmington, New Mexico to help grow their summer reading program. When he was running ASA Late Models in the Midwest he started representing Dream Factory Inc and would become one of their three National Spokespersons at just fifteen years of age. (NASCAR star Carl Edwards and game show host Wink Martindale are the other two) The young men from the Dream Factory chapter in Central Missouri became Alex’s biggest fans and friends for life. Alex has found another organization to help later this year when he races for “Pilots N Paws” at Texas Motor Speedway.

Pilots N Paws is a unique pet rescue organization. They help match rescue groups in need of transportation with private airplane pilots who want to use their planes to do a good deed. The pilots volunteer their time and fuel. Four million pets are put to death because a good home can’t be found. Pilots N Paws goal is to give more shelter pets a second chance at a happy life. Alex Kennedy will help raise awareness and some needed funding for Pilots N Paws by using his race car as a rolling billboard. Alex Kennedy and Pilots N Paws will show you that NASCAR is indeed going for the dogs in a fun way at Texas Motor Speedway this year. The great news for NASCAR fans that are pet owners…your pet can go along for the ride by checking out the link below.


We need your help to make this campaign for Pilots N Paws a success. Please share the link above with family and friends on social media and help spread the word.

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(RaceTalkRadio.com; August 8,2012)

OK race fans after seeing and hearing AJ Allmendinger’s explanation that his positive test was due to taking one random pill what do you think?

In case you have been too engrossed with the latest Synchronized Skeet Shooting competition at the Olympics to hear what is going on let me explain what happened in the last twenty-four hours. After being silent except for a few tweets and saying his hair gel and other items in his house were being tested; AJ Allmendinger finally came forward and confessed his sins to the world. While out on the town before the big Cup race at Kentucky Speedway Allmendinger was feeling run down and took a random pill from a friend of a friend. This unnamed person (Naming him or her would put that person in some trouble with the law) gave Allmendinger a pill that he said was a nutritional supplement that would give Allmendinger a boost of energy. A few days later NASCAR randomly called Allmendinger in for a drug test which he failed.

AJ Allmendinger is the unluckiest man in the world!

Can we find Miss Cleo and have her channel the spirit of Jimmy the Greek to come up with the odds of someone testing positive the very first time they took an illegal substance during their NASCAR career? Even if Allmendinger is telling the truth, the lack of judgment it takes for a grown man who knows he is being drug tested to take a random pill without knowing what that pill might contain is staggering. Allmendinger got suspended on July 7th and was quiet for a month. Was that the best story that he could conjure up in a month? Did the reason he got fired so quickly at Penske Racing because he told that story to the Captain and Roger Penske didn’t buy it? Allmendinger says that he is totally naïve when it comes to drugs and he didn’t even know what Adderall was until now. Was he not paying attention during the entire Jeremy Mayfield circus?

Let Science Prove It

Thankfully there is an easy solution to quell the doubts of the doubters. Science is a very handy tool when it comes to drug testing. If we could find out what dosage the pill was and we could find out the level Aegis Labs considers a positive test we could see if Allmendinger’s story is plausible. But NASCAR isn’t letting anyone know the definition of a positive test when it comes to amphetamine concentration. Allmendinger isn’t letting anyone know the dosage of pill he took. If those variables were shared with a knowledgeable scientist the amount of amphetamine likely to be in someone’s system two days after taking one tablet of Adderall could be calculated. Only one person knows for sure whether AJ Allmendinger’s story is true or a big white lie of a pill. That person is AJ Allmendinger but I find that story to be one pill that is hard to swallow.

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(June 13, 2012; RaceTalkRadio.com)

Complete Psychoanalysis of NASCAR Driver Kurt Busch

By Cy K.O. Babble PHD

It has become very obvious even to the uninitiated in the complex ways that the human brain works that something has affected NASCAR driver Kurt Busch. The exact stimuli that have led to overactive expressions of anger and hostility are unknown at this time yet the presence of the apparent psychotic episodes is empirical evidence of their existence. Perhaps this over simplistic analysis of the situation might occur to be just further evidence of my own psychotic tendencies, but when you have graduated Magna Cum Lauda (Expert in racing psychology named after the famous Formula One racer) as I have you are often required to provide baseless arguments simply to justify the large consultancy check. Kurt Busch is a difficult case study but it is my professional opinion that he is suffering from some serious ailment. In layman’s terms, “Kurt’s little red choo choo has chugged around the bend.”

Ever since I served my required psychological residency at Trembling Acres Rest Home in scenic Hoboken, New Jersey; I have been deemed an expert by the Psychological Institute of Northeast America. This seldom investigated pseudo agency with a pending 501-z (16) non for profit status certified by the online rating agency headquartered in the Cayman Islands knows their business! It is this certification that allows me to make vague and meaningless psychological rulings despite having never interviewed the subject in person. You may scoff at such psychological analysis but the bartender at Pier Six Lounge in Hoboken agreed with my diagnosis on the Kurt Busch case. Frank Spencer knows all about this sport called NASCAR because his cousin from Pennsylvania raced back in the day and he is as unbiased as can be.

Look at any taped interview of Kurt Busch and pay close attention to his left eyebrow. The quirky motion transverses the Y and Z coordinates by 5 millimeters when the video is layered into polar coordinates and is obvious even to the average nearsighted observer. This is unequivocal evidence of neurological impulses that are causing uncontrollable outbursts. NASCAR needs to examine what is causing these impulses instead of punishing the patient! Perhaps there is an elevated level of carbon monoxide in the cabin of his race car due to insufficient filtering of the air. There could be an unexplained reaction due to the narrowing of the nasal passages after surgery to enhance Kurt Busch’s breathing ability years ago. Perhaps Kurt Busch is one of the 1 in 3,475,691 persons in the continental United States that has an adverse reaction to fumes from ethanol enhanced fuels. Have you noticed that the most severe of the symptoms have not materialized in Kurt Busch until American Ethanol came into NASCAR? Of course it is entirely possible that Kurt Busch was raised by coyotes in the Las Vegas desert and that explains his inability to act like a reasonable adult.

It is my official pseudo professional opinion that Kurt Busch is not responsible for his actions and therefore should take legal action against NASCAR for restraint of trade over his recent suspension. Next week I will analyze Dale Earnhardt Jr’s ability to stay positive despite having failed to win a race in almost four years.

RaceTalkRadio.com provided the above psychological profile for entertainment purposes only and does not endorse or reject Cy K.O. Babble’s analysis. RaceTalkRadio does however reserve the right to collect a contingency fee if this analysis leads to legal action by Kurt Busch that earns him a settlement from NASCAR.

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(RaceTalkRadio.com; May 2, 2012)

Graphic by Lori Munro of War-Wagon.com

Tuesday night on the THUNDER CREW radio show on RaceTalkRadio.com host Mike Harper started a discussion about Tony Stewart’s bullying of ESPN reporter David Newton after the NASCAR Sprint Cup race at Richmond International Raceway. We were all in agreement that Newton’s question was not the main reason for Tony Stewart’s behavior. I suggested that Stewart’s behavior was due to his desire to go home and by beating up on Newton he encouraged the other media members to leave him alone. Mike Harper suggested someone in the media should ask him a question challenging his performance or ask if he is in a pissy mood. Lori Munro had the best comment of the night when she said media members should call him Anthony since he is acting like a six year old. As a public service to the NASCAR media members that feel intimidated by Tony Stewart I present “Tony Stewart Questions for Dummies.”

Stewart Whisperer

Lori Munro pointed out that by giving in to Tony Stewart’s bullying the NASCAR media members were providing positive reinforcement. She suggested he needs to be trained as one would train a dog. There is no need to smack Stewart on the nose with a newspaper; all you have to do is not to allow Stewart to win. Ask the most asinine and basic questions and show no response when he attacks you is Lori’s advice.

Lesson One: Add Cesar Millan to the National Motorsports Press Association and train Stewart like one would train a dog.

Drop the Smoke

When you were a kid and got your parents mad when did you realize they were REALLY ticked off at you? If I ever heard my name spoken slowly and precisely using my middle name I got ready to duck! Instead of feeding Tony Stewart’s ego by calling him “Smoke,” NASCAR media should refer to Stewart by his complete middle name instead before every question.

Lesson Two: Call the subject by his complete given name…Anthony Aloysius Stewart.

Stewart Handling

Tony Stewart tends to pick on reporters that he knows will buckle to his will and allow him to beat on him while they back down. NASCAR media members know they can’t do anything outlandish back to Stewart since they have their credentials on the line if they do anything wrong. In hockey you never see a star player retaliate because a team doesn’t want to lose their goal scorers. But each team has an enforcer. Each media outlet should have a designated enforcer who can rush the stage when their guy is beaten up by Tony Stewart.

Lesson Three: Hire an enforcer to rush the stage and take control.

Designated Media

NASCAR media members have a busy schedule and they also want to wrap up media center interviews quickly. But there is no reason media outlets can’t let their “A-List” guys ask their questions first and then have the designated question askers take over. Just a few obnoxious people (And maybe even Carbon Super Sport, the official spokes dog of RaceTalkRadio) can keep Tony Stewart in the seat answering insane questions for an hour! (ESPN, I am a available at an affordable rate)

Lesson Four: Send in the clowns to ask Tony Stewart stranger questions until he snaps.

Sample Questions for Stewart

There are twenty-seven more races to go in the NASCAR schedule and between pre-race and post race interviews the NASCAR media can expect another 25 Tony Stewart appearances in formal interview segments. Reporters can use the following questions to establish a more positive rapport with Anthony Aloysius Stewart. Remember it is always crucial to use his complete name with substituted middle name before every question no matter how many you end up asking. (Great monogram too)

Method One: Lori’s Three-Part Recipe

There is only one thing more annoying than asking a multi-part question…intentionally leaving out one of the parts while asking the most insane combination possible.

Sample Question: Anthony Aloysius Stewart…firstly, I was wondering whether when you are sitting at a campfire you choose the three legged stool or a four legged chair. Thirdly, if you were a tree what type of tree do you think you would be?

Method Two: Dennis’ More Detail is More Annoying Theory

In addition to using multiple parts try to find the most obscure things possible to ask a question about.

Sample Question: Anthony Aloysius Stewart I noticed that before the race when you were cleaning your tires off you started by weaving to the left first and then back to the right and did so 14 times. When you were under caution I noticed you were cleaning off your tires by weaving to the right first and then back to the left but there didn’t seem to be certain number of times you weaved. Firstly, does the choice of weaving back and forth make a difference in the cleaning of your tires and do you weave 14 times to honor your favorite driver or is it just a coincidence? Thirdly, what is your favorite type of barn animal?

Method Three: Ask questions that have absolutely no bearing to the race that just occurred.

If Anthony Aloysius Stewart thinks the questions he is being asked are worthless and idiotic the only way to counter his tantrums is to come up with questions that have no bearing on the race or anything else.

Sample Question: Anthony Aloysius Stewart, do you know the best way to get to Toledo, Ohio from here?

Method Four: Bring up past questions that caused past tantrums

NASCAR media members have long memories and can often tell you about obscure interactions from the distant past. Surely they will remember the top ten questions that set Tony Stewart off in the past. Since everyone is into recycling these days why not recycle the best irritating questions.

Sample Question: Anthony Aloysius Stewart, how much did your former dead weight weigh and how did getting rid of that dead weight actually help to improve your performance?

Method Five: Use phony voices to set the tone and give the appearance of having multiple personalities to confuse Tony Stewart even more

Confusion is an excellent tool in setting the mood of any confrontation with Tony Stewart. Use of caricature masks is optional but using phony voices when you ask your question will add a level of confusion to your interaction with Stewart.

Sample Question: Using your best Ronald Reagan voice impersonation, “Well, Anthony Aloysius Stewart…Nancy told me she thinks you are the best driver in the history in NASCAR history, do you believe your performance tonight will solidify your chances for making the NASCAR Hall of Fame?

All it will take is some simple training to get Anthony Aloysius Stewart to behave in a more proper way with NASCAR media in the future. It is vital not to show any emotion or any reaction to a Tony Stewart tirade! NASCAR will not punish those choosing to use the methods mentioned in our “Tony Stewart Questions for Dummies” handbook because they seem generally irritated by his treatment of the media too. An intensive four to six week use of such a guide is guaranteed to improve the environment in the media center for all. Electronic copies of the complete guide are available on demand and I can provide a five step training course for just $99.

Sign up today!

“Tony Stewart Questions for Dummies” is not affiliated with or endorsed by the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (NASCAR) or its parent companies. “Tony Stewart Questions for Dummies” is not associated with John Wiley and Sons and was simply used for comedic effect. Actual copies of the guide are not for sale although Dennis Michelsen is available for designated extra question asking duties on a week by week basis. All opinions displayed above are those of Dennis Michelsen and do not reflect the views of RaceTalkRadio.com LLC or its sponsors. (They have more sense than Dennis) Use of the middle name “Aloysius” was meant for humorous effect and is not implied as a criticism of the use of the name for middle or first name duty. The author realizes that Tony Stewart’s real middle name is not “Aloysius” so Tony Stewart fans are advised to not waste your time feeling important by including such comment in your venomous emails.

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(RaceTalkRadio.com; April 18, 2012)

If you have been paying attention at home you know that while the RaceTalkRadio Power Ratings show you who is likely to be a contender you can’t just pick the high point guy as your most likely winner each week. Any statistical method of handicapping has to be used properly to reward the handicapper with lots of winners. If you were only looking for consistency then taking the top points’ guy would work every week. But since I like to show off with winners it takes much more than simple math it takes looking past the data to gain the edge. This week we have a rare triple threat set up.

It is extremely rare when the top rated driver in each of our three categories is the same. Over the past five seasons it has only happened on seven occasions which represents only 3.9% of the total number of races. During those seven occasions that the same driver tops all three ratings in the same week that driver has won on five occasions. That is an amazing 71% of the time which is an amazing correlation in statistical analysis. This week I am a little less certain of the result since Jimmie Johnson is less than a full point ahead in two of the three categories…but I still won’t bet against five-time this week when he is a triple rating threat.

Good luck with your fantasy racing picks this week and don’t forget to send in your pick for “Whiteboard Fantasy Racing” this week for Kansas.

Send in your pick to win this week’s Cup race to dennis@racetalkradio.com for a chance to win a copy of the National Speedway Directory from SpeedwaysOnline.com.

Whiteboard Fantasy Racing Winner Last Week

Carbon Super Sport had the winning pick last week

Whiteboard Fantasy Racing Top Ten After 7 Weeks

Rank Player Total
1 Carbon 17
2 LAM 13
3 Shari P 12
4T Gertie 11
4T Chris U 11
6T RA 10
6T Aaron C 10
8 Grainger 9
9T Mike N 8
9T Pops 8

Weather Report

Mostly sunny and pleasant with green flag temp of 62F and high temp of 71F


Fantasy Racing Question of the Week: Phil in Kentucky- Does a driver learn enough from a good Nationwide race to pick him to win in Cup?

Answer- The tapered spacer on the engines of the Nationwide and Truck series makes comparisons between the driving styles of the support divisions and Cup series tougher. But the same tires are used and drivers say that does sometimes help them learn about how a track changes as the rubber builds up and how their car handles as their tires wear out. Sometimes just giving the driver added confidence with a strong performance helps too so this can be factored into your race handicapping.

If you have a question about Fantasy Racing send it to dennis@racetalkradio.com and get it answered next week.

NASCAR by the Numbers- Lubricated by TheOilMedics.com

Using a proprietary race analysis technique we take the fans inside the numbers every week. DMIC’s rating system has been in use since 2002 and has proven to pick the contenders from the pretenders!

Consistency is King (Last Five Races)

J Johnson 93
G Biffle 93
M Truex 92
D Earnhardt Jr 92
R Newman 91
T Stewart 91
M Kenseth 90
C Bowyer 90
M Martin 90
K Harvick 89

Horses for Courses (Track Rating)

J Johnson 96
G Biffle 95
C Edwards 94
J Gordon 91
D Hamlin 91
B Keselowski 90
K Harvick 90
M Kenseth 90
T Stewart 86
M Martin 86

Type Casting (Track Type Factor)

J Johnson 95
C Edwards 95
K Harvick 92
B Keselowski 92
T Stewart 92
M Kenseth 91
Ku Busch 90
R Newman 89
G Biffle 87
Ky Busch 87

Power Rating (240 Minimum to Qualify as Contender)

J Johnson 284
C Edwards 278
G Biffle 275
K Harvick 272
M Kenseth 271
T Stewart 269
B Keselowski 265
R Newman 264
D Hamlin 262
D Earnhardt Jr 261
M Martin 260
C Bowyer 260
J Gordon 259
Ku Busch 255
K Kahne 251
Ky Busch 251
P Menard 248
M Truex 248
JP Montoya 244
D Ragan 243
AJ Allmendinger 243
J Burton 243
A Almirola 241
J McMurray 238
M Ambrose 238
J Logano 235
R Smith 233
D Reutimann 229
C Mears 225
B Labonte 218
L Cassill 217
T Kvapil 215
D Gilliland 213
D Blaney 210

DMIC’s Fantasy Picks

Each week we will take you beyond the numbers to handicap the field from top to bottom to help your Fantasy Racing team succeed. You are also invited to join Lori Munro and I on “White Board Fantasy Racing” every Monday night on “Doin’ Donuts” at 8pm ET on RaceTalkRadio.com. Win fun prizes by picking just the race winners in our unique format. Send your picks to info@racetalkradio.com to enter.

Top Pick (Last Week 10th)

Jimmie Johnson- Not getting fancy this week…taking the best driver at Kansas

(5 to 1 Odds)

Best Long Shot (Odds of 20-1 or More) (Last Week 17th)

Clint Bowyer- Home track hero has a good chance with MWR running strong

(22 to 1 Odds)

Top Dogs (Group A in Yahoo) (Last Week 5th)

Carl Edwards- Another good track for Edwards and Roush Racing

(8 to 1 Odds)

Second Class (Group B in Yahoo) (Last Week Winner)

Mark Martin- The KID is as good as he ever was

(18 to 1 Odds)

Middle Packer (Group C in Yahoo) (Last Week 27th)

Bobby Labonte- Anything better than 20th is a bonus with this group.

Crazy 8s for Kansas

Each week Lori Munro and Dennis Michelsen battle in the most unique racing game around! We pick one driver each from each 8 driver group using the current points’ standings. Our picks can help you round out your fantasy racing lineup!

Last Race at Texas: Lori won the matchup 3-2

Season Record: Lori leads Dennis at 4-3

Kansas Group 1: Lori picks Jimmie Johnson and Dennis picks Greg Biffle

Kansas Group 2: Dennis picks Carl Edwards and Lori picks Brad Keselowski

Kansas Group 3: Lori picks Mark Martin and Dennis picks Jeff Gordon

Kansas Group 4: Dennis picks Kasey Kahne and Lori picks Kurt Busch

Kansas Group 5: Lori Picks Sam Hornish Jr and Dennis picks Landon Cassill

Do you have what it takes to handicap the races? Join Lori and Dennis every week and play in the Whiteboard Fantasy Racing Series! Send your pick for the Cup race to info@racetalkradio.com to enter. Weekly prize given away!

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