(June 13, 2012; RaceTalkRadio.com)
Complete Psychoanalysis of NASCAR Driver Kurt Busch
By Cy K.O. Babble PHD
It has become very obvious even to the uninitiated in the complex ways that the human brain works that something has affected NASCAR driver Kurt Busch. The exact stimuli that have led to overactive expressions of anger and hostility are unknown at this time yet the presence of the apparent psychotic episodes is empirical evidence of their existence. Perhaps this over simplistic analysis of the situation might occur to be just further evidence of my own psychotic tendencies, but when you have graduated Magna Cum Lauda (Expert in racing psychology named after the famous Formula One racer) as I have you are often required to provide baseless arguments simply to justify the large consultancy check. Kurt Busch is a difficult case study but it is my professional opinion that he is suffering from some serious ailment. In layman’s terms, “Kurt’s little red choo choo has chugged around the bend.”
Ever since I served my required psychological residency at Trembling Acres Rest Home in scenic Hoboken, New Jersey; I have been deemed an expert by the Psychological Institute of Northeast America. This seldom investigated pseudo agency with a pending 501-z (16) non for profit status certified by the online rating agency headquartered in the Cayman Islands knows their business! It is this certification that allows me to make vague and meaningless psychological rulings despite having never interviewed the subject in person. You may scoff at such psychological analysis but the bartender at Pier Six Lounge in Hoboken agreed with my diagnosis on the Kurt Busch case. Frank Spencer knows all about this sport called NASCAR because his cousin from Pennsylvania raced back in the day and he is as unbiased as can be.
Look at any taped interview of Kurt Busch and pay close attention to his left eyebrow. The quirky motion transverses the Y and Z coordinates by 5 millimeters when the video is layered into polar coordinates and is obvious even to the average nearsighted observer. This is unequivocal evidence of neurological impulses that are causing uncontrollable outbursts. NASCAR needs to examine what is causing these impulses instead of punishing the patient! Perhaps there is an elevated level of carbon monoxide in the cabin of his race car due to insufficient filtering of the air. There could be an unexplained reaction due to the narrowing of the nasal passages after surgery to enhance Kurt Busch’s breathing ability years ago. Perhaps Kurt Busch is one of the 1 in 3,475,691 persons in the continental United States that has an adverse reaction to fumes from ethanol enhanced fuels. Have you noticed that the most severe of the symptoms have not materialized in Kurt Busch until American Ethanol came into NASCAR? Of course it is entirely possible that Kurt Busch was raised by coyotes in the Las Vegas desert and that explains his inability to act like a reasonable adult.
It is my official pseudo professional opinion that Kurt Busch is not responsible for his actions and therefore should take legal action against NASCAR for restraint of trade over his recent suspension. Next week I will analyze Dale Earnhardt Jr’s ability to stay positive despite having failed to win a race in almost four years.
RaceTalkRadio.com provided the above psychological profile for entertainment purposes only and does not endorse or reject Cy K.O. Babble’s analysis. RaceTalkRadio does however reserve the right to collect a contingency fee if this analysis leads to legal action by Kurt Busch that earns him a settlement from NASCAR.