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 SOZ on RTR's Main Page
Jimmie Johnson Three-peat Brings US Economy to Halt
1/12/09: SOZ Studios, MI - By Dennis Michelsen "DMIC" (RaceTalkRadio.com)
Someone has to stop this man before it's too late! The US economy was cruising along just fine before Jimmie Johnson and the No. 48 team started winning championships! Now we are facing the toughest economic times in thirty years. Unemployment is going crazy, real estate values are plummeting and median household incomes have declined for the first time in decades. The blue menace needs to be stopped! Oh sure you might be reading this right now and wondering if my little red choo choo went chugging around the bend, but just remember all the other mad geniuses in this world that were once scoffed at too! Today I am asking NASCAR fans to unite for the good of the country and our world and stomp out the blue menace before its too late!
Unemployment Numbers and the Truth
"There is no known connection between anything that happens in sports and economic data," said Under Secretary of Commerce Bernice Middlestein. Ms. Middlestein is apparently unaware of the data that supports such connections including the prediction of stock market movement based on NFL champion conferences! This is further proof that your US government is involved in a covert plan to keep from warning the public about the blue menace of the No. 48 team until it is too late! Scoff if you will but the numbers do not lie! In fact the unemployment rate in the United States was at a scant 3.9% when Jimmie Johnson first announced his promotion to the Cup level way back in 2001. That percentage was only 4.4% after his first championship but now has risen to 7.2% after his third consecutive championship! These are not numbers that can be explained in any other way. "While I concede that the unemployment numbers have risen in each of the last three years there are many other factors that one can identify as causing this increase," said Ms. Middlestein. Oh sure blame it on the never ending war against terror and all those other economic factors and ignore the proof right in front of your nose! But someday you will wake up and understand the blue menace must be stopped!
Trade Imbalance and the Blue Menace
Not only is there a direct link between Jimmie Johnson's success on the track and the unemployment numbers, the news is even worse when you look at the trade imbalance in the United States as a whole and index it against No. 48 championships! Back in 2001 before Johnson raced at the Cup level the United States trade deficit with China was only $83 million. That number has surged each and every season but the acceleration during the championship years is incredible! In 2007 that figure was a staggering $256 million and will be even higher in 2008! You won't hear Fox News' Bill O'Reilly or CNN's Wolf Blitzer reporting these correlations…only me! These cowards will not speak up because of the millions of dollars in Lowes advertising that is funneled into the major news organizations to assure their silence! "Your numbers are very fascinating indeed," said Richard McPherson of the "Independent Retailers Naturally United for Trade" association when presented the truth in cold hard numbers! "For many years here at IRNUT we have seen common links between sports championships, movie ratings and economic trends! We are glad someone in the mainstream media has finally picked up on these connections." IRNUT is a recognized trade group that is not afraid to go the extra mile needed to uncover injustices and help bring the blue menace to its knees!
Psychology of Winning Too Much
Even if the so-called experts choose to ignore the economic facts presented above they can't deny the negative impact on society when someone wins too much. "The number of men between the ages of 18-24 applying for their tour card with the PGA has been in huge decline since the rise of Tiger Woods dominance in golf," said Stan Freeman of Golf Watch, an organization that tracks PGA membership. "Tiger is such dominant threat many men that would normally pursue a PGA career after their college golf days has naturally declined. But since Mr. Woods' injury last season the current PGA golf school was overwhelmed with applicants!" Remember back when Michael Jordan was the best player in the NBA? Kids all over the United States and around the world wanted to be like Mike! But what about all those other kids on the team that didn't get to wear the No. 23? "We saw the development processes of otherwise normal male juveniles under go dissasociative disorders if they were not allowed to wear the No. 23 in their basketball league," said Doctor Eugene Brockington of the University of Eastern Piscataway. "One innovative youth basketball league went so far as to let every player wear No. 23! While this lead to some confusion among referees and others it was for the best of the children." How about all those soap box derby drivers that do not get to use No. 48 on their cars? Do we really want to cause permanent damage to the youth of America by allowing Jimmie Johnson and his team to win another championship?
Conclusion
Today I am asking NASCAR to put a moratorium on No. 48 team championships before it is too late! If they fail to act as a responsible sports organization the next step will be to appeal to our new President. For the good of NASCAR, the United States, and humanity the blue menace must be stopped! We can't count on the other forty two teams that race on any given day to do this. We all see what happened when we relied JUST on competition that was unfettered with any government interference! Attendance was down all season in NASCAR and television ratings fell when fans saw that Jimmie Johnson was indeed on this way to a third straight championship! Die cast sales of the No. 48 surged along with increased sales of cheap building supplies from the Guangdong Industrial Supply Company adding to an even higher trade imbalance with China! The economic downturn can be reversed but only if the blue menace is stopped in its tracks and right now! Do not wait until the season is half over to act because then it will be too late. The numbers are frightening and staggering as you have seen and this is only three straight championships causing these statistics. Can you imagine how bad things would get after four championships? Or five? Or maybe even six? Act today to put the stop to the blue menace before it ruins our way of life and our ability to live the American Dream! Thank you for your attention and your pending action…I knew I could count on you America!
Editor's Note: NASCAR we plead with you to bring back Daytona testing! Do you see the negative affect the lack of testing did to Mr. Michelsen leading him to write such an outlandish (albeit well researched) article? Instead of watching Daytona testing he has had too much time to browse websites such as Weather Wars adding to his overwhelming urge to find a conspiracy in everything! The opinions stated above are Mr. Michelsen's and do not represent those of RaceTalkRadio or our sponsors.
Join Lori Munro and Dennis Michelsen for a special edition of "Doin' Donuts" Monday night at 8pm ET. Our special guest will be Lee Roy Mercer! Brock Beard will stop by with a special "Barney and Me" feature and you never know whose still will be blown up next! It's "Doin' Donuts" every Monday night on RTR! You don't want to miss it!
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